Peer+Feedback

Readability 3 It was hard to detect the common theme between these pieces. Starting with a paragraph giving an overarching theme would help. Standards 3 Most of this observed rules of good grammar. Some of the writing is a bit stilted, and needs to be smoothed out. APA 4 A few places need more attention to APA style for citations. Sections 2-4 Not clear what the NCAA history applies to. Review of NCAA manual seemed most relevant when it mentioned the obstacles to education. Stats about rarity of students athletes going pro seemed very relevant. Steroid section, and health section could be relevant, but need more of a deliberate connection drawn to career. Some of the writing in this section was convoluted. Holland code info for related careers is highly relevant. Workshop I would hope to see lots of emphasis on the related careers section, and ways to balance safety, and other needs, against the demands of the sport. Bloom’s Some of this was strictly at the Knowledge level, while some was up to Application level. To raise the level, bring in how this is relevant to future careers of student athletes, and give the whole paper a theme to correspond to.

3-The lit review was readable but I am not sure if all of the information was relevant to the topic we are to be discussing. There needs to be an introduction of some sort to introduce your topic and what you are trying to get the reader to understand. I believe the lit review has a lot of information but the information is not cohesive to the ideas we are to be hitting within the assignment.

3- I feel that things are written in a manner that is appropriate but I do believe the sections need to be more cohesive and relevant to career development. For the most part the information was understandable.

3- I believe the APA in the reference was done well. The fonts, spacing and size needs to be the same, as it is not right now. You may want to be cautious about the amount of quotes that are used in such a small amount of writing. You may also want to check the citations of the quotes in the APA manual.

I was a little confused with the dates because they did not go in chronological order. At one point a sentence went from 1910 about NCAA to 1906 about NCAA. At some points in the lit review, I did not understand what the writer was trying to get the reader to understand.

I really do not have a clear view of what a workshop would be through this literature review.

I believe this lit review is in the comprehension level of Bloom’s taxonomy. There is a lot of information in this literature review and it is great information but I am not sure how to relate this information to career development or a career workshop. Applying all of this great information to career development and to creating a career workshop may get you to the place you want to be.

Adding an introduction would help with overall readability. The history of the NCAA and steroid use need to have some more connecting statements with the relevance to career development.
 * Score || Comments ||
 * 2 || I had trouble following the first few sections. A couple suggestions are to add an introductory paragraph, to revise your headings, and work in some key transitional sentences between sections. ||
 * 3 || Be sure to check your spelling and avoid run on sentences. ||
 * 3 || APA standards are used throughout. ||

I’m not sure if all the key elements of needs of target population, evidence-based interventions, and applicable theories have been fully addressed. Refocusing your headings may help pull this together in a more cohesive format.

Bloom’s Taxonomy – Comprehension – pulls out main idea of articles and demonstrates knowledge of the domain, but needs more analysis and synthesis in relation to career development.

Question # Score Comments 1 3 There was no title or conclusion. The headings were good, but I struggled with the differing font types. Without an introduction I found it difficult to understand what points you would make in the lit review. I also thought that the section on Physical and Mental Health did not flow well. 2 2 First, either indent new paragraphs or double space between paragraphs. I also found several grammatical errors. 1. In the second paragraph “while this was progress…” 2. The first para on student athletes “steroids can be used in mayn…” Although there may be others, these were two that I quickly found. 3 3 Needs an intro and conclusion. In text citations do not need “section” only an author and date if in parenthetical information. Also the citation “One Human Life…” is not an appropriate citation. 4 3 Some of the quotes, especially the more legal based ones were difficult to get through. Maybe paraphrasing would be better. 5 2 I felt like this was more of a paper on the health risks, both mental and physical associated with athletics. I am not really sure how this will apply to career development. 6 2 I think this literature review is at the comprehension part of Bloom’s Taxonomy. In many ways I felt that the literature review was more of just a presentation of information, and not really organized in a synthesized manner.